Meet Pandora

It's been a while, but I find this evening that there is still yet hope.

What a wonderful and blissful sensation: Hope. This evening I told the advisor I was leaving. Of course, they asked numerous questions as to "Why?", and I'm surprisingly pleased with myself for not going down any dark strains of conversation and not letting my emotions get the best of me. I wasn't sure what to expect, waiting for the advisor to arrive, but I don't think I could've done a better job. In a way, it makes me proud, I suppose?

I made 3 Pro-Cons lists yesterday, and, after considering it, I decided to leave the club I've been in for the past year. But I'm just leaving, I'm leaving to pursue something I think is bigger and brighter. And I know that in a way, this is one of the first big crossroads I'm going to come to in life. Depending on which way I went, one club or another, I'll still have a few lingering regrets, a handful of "What ifs?" that will whisper in my ears as I fall asleep. What would've happened if I'd gone the other way? Would thing's have been better? Or would I had stayed in that club till I left for college, only to realize I'd wasted my teenage years doing something that had never gotten better?

The more I think about it, the more I realize what a risk I've taken. I'm sure the situation seems really simple, and that I'm just being melodramatic, as per usual, but it really is a lifestyle decision for me. And I just cast aside the familiar, the mundane, the ordinary, to strive for something I think is better. Something more. And I will never claim to know what's going to happen; if I really will reach my goal, if it truly is bigger and brighter, but I can still say that I took a risk, regardless of whether or not it was rewarded. And the more I think about it, the less doubtful and insincere I become. It's a truly uplifting sensation, realizing that you've taken a risk, and even if I won't make it, hell, even if I do, the knowledge of the risk I'm taking, the hope and happiness and elation, and knowing that sure, I might not make it, but maybe I will...

It's an indescribable sensation, that I want to be able to remember and experience many more times in my life.