i should go

have you ever wanted to climb a tree

chain link fence

mountain

roof

and scream until your cheeks are flushed and your hair is a rats nest and your vocal chords feel like they're bleeding but you just keep  

s c r e a m i n g

because you think it is good

it will help

you want to hope with all your shriveled heart that the sound waves will sweep up upon the shore of your angry anxieties and wash it away into the changing tide

you scream because you want to see the bubbles blossoming from your mouth

like to imagine them popping when the reach surface

giving voice to the troubles that have nested within your head

have you ever wanted to run for the sake of  l e a v i n g

for abandoning poisonous people and their problems

for the feeling of burnt-asphalt-heels

for the hell of it

have you ever seen the sun beat down on your neck

and think "I could do so much"

have you ever realized

alone in a sunny town

that there is nothing stopping you

you could climb that fence

you could give that scream

you could run to the beach 

you could steal a car

you could drive and drive and drive

change your name

your face

your hair

could leave for anywhere

you could be different

there is nothing stopping you from turning off this computer

from leaving these screens

from taking $20 in one hand a roadmap in the other

and running not out of cruelty

but rather

for the hell of it

Dear God IT'S ALIVE

*cue dramatic thunder and pipe-organ music*

Anywho, yes, I am alive despite not posting to this blog in a while. Sorry. Bad habits die hard. For the numerous people invested in my life- oh. Wait.

Sorry, that's supposed to be sarcasm. But people are, supposedly, reading this blog now? Why, I've no clue, but their presence is not unacknowledged or unappreciated. Shout out to the lovely ladies Kristen and Miranda for enduring my teenage ennui and far-too-purple prose! Everyone who reads this blog deserves a ton of ice cream for their troubles. Though Ms. Claire may get 2 cartons because I think she puts up with the majority of my teenage idiocy. (Thanks Claire c :)

Ben & Jerry's for everyone!! Or whatever your preferred ice cream brand is < 3

But update! Things are better here at Casa de Alice. My mother has come to the realization that I'm not socially stunted, my aunt is off on a weekend getaway and my sister is as adorable as ever. And, apparently, not going to college. Or at least not yet.

My mother and I had one of our Talks tonight. The Talks aren't like the "Birds and the Bees Talk" insomuch as they're really awesome, impromptu discussions that just sort of happen and end up leaving me feeling happy and optimistic. You can see some of the aftereffects of another such Talk here and here. But we talked about the divorce and how awesome today was (the whole family [save for my aunt] watched the 70's movie of The Great Gatsby, with Robert Redford and Mia Farrow in it. We took a shot of sparkling grape juice every time we heard "Old sport") and a lot of other things.

Hermit's United

Apparently, my mother has been peer-pressured into anxiety regarding my social skills.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

She's worried about me "only seeing the four walls of my room" and has begun to demand that I attend my sister's club meetings. Really? This isn't the first time I've explained to her that I don't spend my days curled into a ball in the corner of my room, talking to myself. I do actually have conversations and socialize on a daily basis. Just because I don't go over to people's houses doesn't mean I've become a hermit.

April 2013

There is a school outside of my window.
Between the crack in the trees, I can make out their flag pole.
(It's been half mast for 5 days straight.)

I Feel Springy, Oh-so Springy

I was going to construct a poetic post last night, regarding the utterly menial task of walking a dog in the middle of a cold rainstorm at 11PM.

But then I forgot about it, got tired, and went to bed instead.