I'm Not Who I Used to Be

The best birthday I can remember was a long time ago. When I still lived in New York.

I was 6, maybe. Or 7. I don't know. But it'd snowed overnight, so when I woke up and looked out my window, our entire suburban street was blanketed in white.

It was early, or maybe just dark out, but my mother had snuck into my room in the night and tied mini chocolate bars to helium balloons, and scattered them across the floor of my room. They looked like a kelp forest of plastic pink ribbon and purple bubbles, bobbing gently against one another.

My family came in to wake me up. I can't remember whether or not my dad was there. I was wearing my favorite blue nightgown, the one with a plastic picture of TinkerBell on the front, and my hair was still long back then. Down to my back, all straggly and sleep-mussed. I must've been missing a few teeth too- all the old Polaroid pictures we have of that morning show me with gap-toothed, surprised grins.

We had cinnamon rolls.


We don't eat them anymore.
Cinnamon rolls, that is.

Hiatus

I'm leaving this blog for a while and might not come back.
Just thought I ought to say as much, rather than have an unannounced dry-spell of posts (:

I never once dreamed

that I'd start writing poetry

Sure I did it when I was young

But as a teen, it seems so cliche to me.

I guess I'm just a cliche after all

I probably shouldn't be surprised

I apologize to anyone whose read these

I'm sure the shitty prose hurt their eyes

But you see, it's too ____ here

I don't even know how to define

how the wind pulses against the trees

or how the wires keep me in line

My head won't stop hurting

all these brown eyes accusing

Everyone is shouting

But this is too confusing.

God, I don't know what to do.

Is life always this way?

Maybe I should-no. Maybe? 

Or just save it for a later day?

My throat is loaded full of knives

And my shoulders stained with blood

They trace wings along my skin

Like I could fly away- 

(maybe I should)

I don’t think I’m right, or okay
my head is screwed on the wrong way
and I keep sleeping my life away
(I don’t know what’s going on today.)

for you ♥

I think
I am in love with you?
and darling, for me
that’s something quite new

I’ve never done this
so do please forgive
if I blush when you notice
just how widely I grin

and of course it’s for you
my one and only love
that I smile and skip
(you make me feel overwhelmed)

and I do hope you’ll forgive
if I stare at you too long
but features like yours
deserve their own theme song

which is silly, I know
but I’m a silly girl
and I’m sorry if it’s a bother?
But you’re my whole world.

so do please forgive me
(this is something quite new)
But I’m a reasonably certain
that I’m in love with you.