I never once dreamed

that I'd start writing poetry

Sure I did it when I was young

But as a teen, it seems so cliche to me.

I guess I'm just a cliche after all

I probably shouldn't be surprised

I apologize to anyone whose read these

I'm sure the shitty prose hurt their eyes

But you see, it's too ____ here

I don't even know how to define

how the wind pulses against the trees

or how the wires keep me in line

My head won't stop hurting

all these brown eyes accusing

Everyone is shouting

But this is too confusing.

God, I don't know what to do.

Is life always this way?

Maybe I should-no. Maybe? 

Or just save it for a later day?

My throat is loaded full of knives

And my shoulders stained with blood

They trace wings along my skin

Like I could fly away- 

(maybe I should)

for you ♥

I think
I am in love with you?
and darling, for me
that’s something quite new

I’ve never done this
so do please forgive
if I blush when you notice
just how widely I grin

and of course it’s for you
my one and only love
that I smile and skip
(you make me feel overwhelmed)

and I do hope you’ll forgive
if I stare at you too long
but features like yours
deserve their own theme song

which is silly, I know
but I’m a silly girl
and I’m sorry if it’s a bother?
But you’re my whole world.

so do please forgive me
(this is something quite new)
But I’m a reasonably certain
that I’m in love with you.

paradoxical darling.

i’m hungry but there’s nothing worth eating
bored, but there’s nothing worth reading
tired, but it’s no use sleeping
lonely, but- no, not even.
hollow, mostly- but not.
i’m a paradoxical darling
and that title’s all I’ve got

since the rain is too bright here
for my thoughts to act right here
I thought this was better?
but nothing has changed.
I’m still hollow-paradoxical
winter-rain-gasoline
paper girl, strike a match
watch me burn up in a flash

(maybe then the boredom
will leave me?)

love you, liar.

I could be better if you told me to

'cause there's not many people like me and you

and I get tired sometimes but baby I swear

I'll stay up all night if you give me a dare

I waited up till dawn just to see how you'd look

and you laughed sadly- your head frantically shook

so I smiled along, hard cheekbone-stretch

I'll pretend to be normal, when really, you're the best

you're the better of this duo- 

but I think you already knew

after all, how could someone like me 

be friends with someone like you?

Sweet N o t h i n g s

i'm ripping apart and i'm breaking at the seams

i'm forwards backwards falling

and i'm drowning in my dreams

there's blood on my breasts and
a weight on my chest and
when i breathe in,
my heart takes a  r e s t.

it stutters and i struggle
and heave the air back out
for the hummingbird-beat
that I can't cope without.
and so i'm left gasping,
stopping starting  p a u s e.

Scars

i've been picking at my scabs, lately
because i love the scars they leave behind

i want to point at my knee one day
and say
"that blotch? right there?"
"that's from flying away."

i want to keep a record of my life
in a patchwork of skin
etched like tattoos
so i don't forget who i've been
or the places i've seen
or the people and words and things
that've hurt me


it's been going on for a while, now
my arms are mottled with uneven circles
odd little welts
nicks and burns and bites and bruises

i still have an ugly circle on my right arm
(where a big mole used to be)
they thought it might be something bad
so they nicked it away
and afterwards
i picked it away

"to remember" i told them

(they didn't understand)

the pavement was thick
and my boots made
the most satisfying scuffing noises
when I walked up

the brass gleamed
like the lights strewn
throughout the fronds
and the house smelled of pine

ive cried myself to apathy
theres nothing left inside of me
(be thankful you can't feel
all these things from the left
they're real)

the pretty girl
with black eyes?
we've seen her pictures
we know your lies

text her
call
fuck her hard
and bare your plastic smile
let the paper believe
let the crowds be decieved
weak in their naivety
clinging to inevitability
let me drown in gasoline
let me fade the way you want
as I said; there's nothing left in me
stop chaining me to these haunts

for thats all I am
a paper

ghost

girl

with nothing left to show
how I wish you'd make sense
wish you'd understand

oh please, just let me go?

The Lonely

It's simple.
Really; so, so simple.

Just a few sentences. A handful of words. Strung together to form lines of thoughts, with hidden meanings tucked between.
But she doesn't know the meanings.
Can't crack the code, can't understand when only now does it matter.

Oh God, how she wishes it was in person. Or at the very least a phone call. You can hear emotions, but you can't read them; not when they're wrapped in cold, surgical-like letters.

She's curled, hunched, reading those sentences and tapping out a reply while silent tears form slowly in her eyes.
She'd forgotten.
How could she forget her?