As per usual.
Then wrapped my blanket around me like a robe and shuffled out to the kitchen.
As per usual.
But then I sat down at the kitchen table, and my mother asked me why my father had been so annoyed with my sister last night.
Senior readers of this blog will already know the rocky relationship between my father and elder sister. For any new readers, lets just say it isn't pretty.
Warily, I explained that I had been showing my father my new state ID the other night, and my sister interjected, asking something about a difference between her old license and a "child license". She ended up saying child's license about 3 times, claiming she couldn't remember the proper term she had in mind.
My father blew up, and generally told her to shut up, a cuss word leaked into his sentence but I don't remember, nor do I care. It was probably "shit" or something.
He retreated back into his room. I went to my bedroom. Sister continued watching TV.
Then he came back out after a while, to refill his drink. Started getting even more annoyed at my sister, saying something along the lines of "Saying 'child's license' and flaunting that you have drivers license. . ." stuff like that, with a bunch of swear words in between.
My sister tried to explain that she hadn't meant it like that, she hadn't been able to remember the term she wanted, but my father said that he wasn't telling her about what she had meant, he was telling her about what had happened, and that if she didn't want to listen then she wouldn't be allowed to do things; right before he sent her to her room.
So I explained all of this to my mother.
My mother said that my sister had woken up and come looking for sympathy from her this morning. And that my mother had denied it. She told me that she couldn't go against my father, and that one line made me stare at her.
She couldn't go against my father.
. . . She couldn't go against my father?
She then continued to say, ignoring my stares, that my sister had gone on a walk, and maybe we could bond over this experience, and that oh look, our favorite brand of underwear is on sale!
Somehow, I was disgusted by it all.
I murmured, "Family dynamics confuse me." and then shuffled off to get an English Muffin.
The thing is, I'm not going to be able to comfort my sister. She came back from the walk/run she had been on, took a shower (we could still hear her crying, though) and now she's in her room. Once she comes out, I'm going to try and comfort her by raging at the injustice of it all, and apologizing for being randomly favored by out father. And she'll force a smile and say it's fine, but I'll know that I didn't help at all.
I swear to all things Holy in this abysmal world; If something doesn't change between now and when I turn 18, I am moving out and never looking back. If I can't go directly to college, then I'll stay at my Aunt and Grandma's house in between.
What I want to know is, why? What the hell is so much better about me then my sister?! My sister is infinitely better. In everything. She gets decent grades, has millions of friends, she's kind and sociable and nice and kids ADORE her. She's pretty, a great runner and so much more optimistic then I am. So why does Dad get so pissed at her so often? Why not me?
I'm moody and pessimistic. My dad once called my sister and I "The Princess & the Smart Ass".
So why doesn't he get mad at me?
I'm getting sick of all of this. I just want to be done with this part of my life already. "Turn a chapter" and all that melodramatic jazz. The main reasons I want to be a writer, is because 1. I'll be able to spend all of my time daydreaming, in my own fantasy worlds. And 2, because writing is one of the only things I'm decently good at. At least, I think so. I've had some of my virtual friends say I'm a good writer (which, I must reluctantly admit, did give me warm fuzzies) and the other day when I asked my mother and sister what the thought I should be, they both replied "writer".
I wonder, can I get a book published when I'm still young, and move to Seattle on my own?
Meh, a girl can dream.
"Sailplane pilot in the blue,
Take me up there with You.
The world looks brighter
From this high altitude."
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