Romance vs. Companionship

"It kinda pokes fun at being romantic for the sake of avoiding being lonely."
~Adam Young, talking about "Deer in the Headlights"

When I watched the above video, and heard that part, I froze for a second.

There's a line I have on a profile somewhere, "I am a hopeless romantic with a cynical outlook on love, but at night I fall asleep to dreams of charming smiles and twirling on star-lit beaches." I am constantly daydreaming of romantic situations and dashing, modern-day Prince Charmings.

Is the only reason I do so. . . beacuse I'm simply lonely?
It makes a lot of sense.



As I once stated in some long-ago post on here, I find romantic relationships between teenagers ridiculous. You can easily have similar relationships once your older, and at that point there will be a possibility of acquiring something more then just candy and flowers. Marriage, or sex, whatever you're after. Sure, teenagers have sex these days, that's an undeniable fact. But I imagine it to be a little less frowned upon once you're older.

Despite that outlook, and my general snubbing of boys, I am one of the things I hate most; A hypocrite. I do want to fall in love. Sometimes I don't think of myself as capable of doing so, yet I still desire it. Geez, I sound like a precocious child. However as I mentioned above, is falling in love not what I actually want? Do I, in fact, merely dislike being alone, and use romantic day-dreams as a sugar-coated escape from my solitude?

I cannot deny that I am alone. That is another undeniable fact, to be honest.

So do I truly want love? Or do I long for companionship in general?

I should probably be doing something else right now. Math, or reading History books, or even studying Japanese. But instead, I'm shoving my confused little teenage thoughts through the keyboard into this post. Despite that, they're still floating around in my mind and making my head ache with perplexed ideas.

I wonder, will I always be alone? The idea appeals and repells me at the same time, interestingly enough. I don't nessecarily want to be alone until the day I die, but it may be easier, doing what I've always done.

I reread this post and sighed. I keep posting depressing, musing entries. Next post I'll try and do something better. . . Maybe some facts about me that either no one, or a handful of people know? That might be nice. I also wrote a little more of "Somewhere better." so I may post that sometime.

Ah well. I'm off to take a bath whilst reading history books. Multitasking schoolwork with pleasure; I like that idea.