Happy April Fools

I never really thought I would be pleased to say the following 6 words.

My parents are getting a divorce.



Back, before all of this- before the fighting and the separation and the facebook posts, I didn't think much of divorces.
People had them in movies. Sometimes it appeared as plot device in a book I read. Friends of friends went through them every now and then. But I never really spared much thought to it, and rightly so: Why would I bother thinking about divorce? There was no reason for me to do so.

A lot of things happened today. I'm pretty sure it's a full moon this week, because the estrogen in the household is absolutely stifling, and it's just getting worse. My sister was mad at my mother who was upset with my father and sides were apparently being taken- all in all, it was an emotionally draining day. I was essentially the family therapist for the day, or something along those lines, and my mother's vaguely familiar attitude reminded me of a recent break through of mine.


Adults are not mature.


My parents are both roughly 50 years old. They're pretty old.
I have no insulting intentions when I say that, it's merely stating a fact. In comparison to my measly few years of life, 50 is an almost inconceivable number.
"50 is respectable."
"50 is knowledgable."

Those were the kind of thoughts I had for a long, long time.

But something that's become blaringly obvious to me over the past few weeks, is how laughably wrong those assumptions of mine were.
My mother acted like a teenager today.
Meanwhile, my father acted like a little boy.

It's probably shameless self-importance when I say that I think I was the most mature person in my family today.
Yet at the same time, I honestly think I was.



Theres always an intriguing moment of pausing, once you've learned that the people you've admired, respected, strived after, aren't really all that you thought they were. And of course they weren't all you thought they were; They're human. There is no feasible way for a human to ever live up to someone's expectations, least of all their own. I think that's something all people need to realize in their life, preferably at a time where the information will still do them good.

Anyway, there's always this moment, this instance where your brain just kind of goes "Oh." and you start to rethink things.
You start to realize things.

And then after that moment, that one, glorious moment where you still, faintly, believe in them- After that, you can't comprehend how you didn't realize how imperfect they were before.
And of course you still admire them, love them, respect them. They are the imperfect base for which your ideal person was created. And even though they're not that ideal person, they still sort of look like them, have some of their characteristics.

However unlike them, they have flaws.

But you know they're the closest you'll ever get to that ideal person, so even though it's not to the same level as before, even though you no longer sing their praises at the top of your lungs- it's more like humming instead of singing- you still stick around.



Sorry, getting off topic. It's late, and my mind it getting away from myself.
A lot of things annoyed me today.
I had to wake up early on a Sunday for one thing, which is essentially a particularly cruel form of torture to a majority of teenage girls, shamelessly including myself.

Also, my sister was still upset with me because I was being a bitch last night, my mother and sister were snapping at each other (which is a rare occurrence by all means) and my father posted a particularly long, nasty comment on my mother's facebook status. It mentioned a lot of private matters, and when my mom showed it to me, I finally snapped.

My father's melancholy, "dumped school girl-like" facebook activity has been a near constant source of aggravation to me for the past few weeks, and it's with carefully kept calm (and perfectly planned responses muttered out of clenched teeth) that I've refrained from essentially scolding my father on the world wide web.

I snapped today.

He ended up deleting his comment and liking my response, to my slightly-disgusted surprise. But so help me, if he posts another whiny-ass thing on facebook I will-
Sorry, getting too over the top.

Basically, if I had to sum up today quite literally; My 2 best, teenage girl friends got into a fight with each other, so I tried to reconcile them while one of them (my mother) threw a hissy fit. I also had to tell-off the annoying little kid who'd been dating the hissy one.
I thought being home-schooled would mean I wouldn't have to endure High School.
Clearly, I was wrong.

Eventually, of course, my mother and sister reconciled to my exhausted relief, and things seem to be okay between them. I don't know nor do I care about my father. He's been acting like even more of an asshole then his usual self over the past few days.



However to actually attend to the central topic of this blog post, (I will never stop rambling in blog posts. Can't stop, won't stop.) my mother actually used the "d word" today. She told me, almost casually, that she wants a divorce.

A lot of thoughts occurred in my head, then.

The biggest thought, the largest emotion that flooded through me was relief. Relief about a number of things.

Her saying, quite seriously, that she wanted a divorce, provided me with solace. It eased a couple of my worries, such as: Should we really get a dog I mean we'll get attached to her and then maybe my parents will get back together and we'll have to let her go? And other things like, Oh god if they do reconcile then how will my sister be, she was pretty much the most traumatized by him- etc. etc.

It feels good, having a widely-known, socially grasp-able term to call the situation. It's not, "We're separated, but they're still married, and they're taking therapy, and also blah, blah, blah," nor is it merely "It's complicated.", a response that typically only ever leads to more questions.

It's simple. 6 words, completely understandable to basically everyone.




My parents are getting a divorce.


And I am relieved.