As I'm sure Future-Me (the sole reader of these posts) will remember quite well, we moved into the apartment with the tacky 80's wall paper in the bathroom, and the ugly floral couches (which, to their benefit, are surprisingly comfortable). I'm sitting at the table that I first did roughly a week and a half-ago, when my mother and I first came to scope out the place. We're here for 3 months, as I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before.
The issue that has compelled me to yet again indulge in writing here, is my meeting with my father tonight. My father has been. . . interesting, in these days of separation. His facebook page is plastered of melancholy statements about love, and a picture of a Lucy from the Peanuts pulling away the football as Charlie Brown goes hurtling, screaming through the air. His comment? "A grin of sadistic glee on her face..."
Nice. Real nice, Dad.
Personally, I'd hoped my father to be above such petty trivialities of making those types of depressed comments on facebook, where people will get the sense there's something else going on, but ignore it. However that's probably highly hypocritical of me, due to the fact that. . . well, I'm writing this. So maybe we're the same? I don't want to think about it right now.
My father sent semi-long emails out to both my sister and I, asking for separate, private conversations with us. My sister, after thinking for a while, refused, while I belatedly accepted. My father is trying to "stitch" our family back together. Offers of "date nights" and "family nights" are prominent, and he's been trying to work in a lot of therapy. The thing is, however, that I personally don't want it to work.
I want my parents to get a divorce.
. . .huh. Never really thought I'd say that in my life.
But he still wants us to be a family, while us "being a family" was not an emotionally, psychologically and even physically healthy place for my mother, sister and I to live.
And so despite the fact that I am rather obviously his "favorite daughter", it's with trepidation that I prepare to talk with him tonight.
It's not so much that I'm afraid he'll get mad, or whatever. He's just a very stubborn, naive man sometimes, and I know that if he asks me anything pertaining to "reuniting the family", I'm going to inform him of my desire for no such thing, to which he will not understand, and most probably accuse my mother of "brainwashing me", which he has in a previous conversation.
I'd be tempted not to go at all, save for that fact that I know I will have to at some point along the road, and hell, I may as well get it over with. I have things to be happy about, however, which is awesome. Before I go to speak with him, I have anime club tonight, which never fails to be a thoroughly enjoyable experience, and then after the inevitable trainwreck of a discussion, an online friend and I intend to chat after a few long weeks absence. Only rainbows after rain, I suppose.
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