And promptly got a nosebleed.
I can't even remember the last time I got a nosebleed, but I have a foggy recollection that makes me believe it was in my dad's truck, because I remember thinking, "I can't get blood on the grey upholstery".
Anyway, nosebleeds are interesting sensations. You can feel the blood trickle it's way through your nostril, and it's different then just having a runny nose, because blood is much more watery then mucus.
Wow. I really make intriguing blog posts, don't I?
On the note of nosebleeds, I don't quite understand digital artist's obsessions with nosebleeds. Name any character from a book, movie, video game, etc. etc. And there is art of them, somewhere out there, with a bright red nosebleed. But why? I mean, it's really not a pretty sight. It's blood coming out of a hole in your face. I just don't quite grasp it.
I'll stop talking about nosebleeds and actually address the main topic of this blog post (believe it or not, my posts typically have an original purpose, not just for me to ramble about the many functions of the human body.)
Which is the fact that tonight, I'm going to do 2 things that I've been slightly dreading for a few weeks.
Which is the fact that tonight, I'm going to do 2 things that I've been slightly dreading for a few weeks.
I can't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post, so pray forgive me if I repeat myself: 2 weeks ago I met my dad for ice cream, directly after I finished my anime club meeting at the local library. There was a guy there who I've chatted with over the past few meetings; just sitting together and making remarks on whatever was being shown that week. I feel terrible about it, but I can't even remember his name, if he ever even introduced himself. The club's pretty casual that way. Anyway, at the end of the meeting I realized I had 3 text messages, all telling me to hurry up, or I'd be late for the dreaded meet-up with my father. So as I was packing up my blog and about to run out the door, he asked me for my number.
Anyone whose read at least 3 posts of mine should probably know that I avoid anything that could even suggest romance like the plague, for various reasons. So it was a mix of my own paranoid hesitancy, and my nerves concerning the meet-up with my father, and my haste to leave the library that I threw out what undoubtedly sounded like a lame excuse- "Sorry, I really gotta go, I need to meet up with my dad. I'll give it to you next meeting! Promise!"
And then I spent the next week or so mentally bashing my head against a wall and wondering how I could've gone about that better.
(I'm so smooth.)
So tonight is, once again, anime club night. And in all likelihood, I'll see the poor dude again. So.
Yeah.
And yet again, immediately after tonights meeting, I'm meeting my father for dinner.
This is currently being dreaded by me, not because of the dinner in question (we're going to my favorite restaurant) but because my parents had a therapy session this afternoon, and my mother admitted that she doesn't desire for them to reconcile. Pair that with the fact my sister has refused all of his offers for the 2 of them to meet up and talk, and I'm quite probably going to have to represent the whole family (or at least, 3/4ths of the family?) and brace myself for numerous questions about the 3 of us.
Ugh.
But, you know, on the bright side I'm going to anime club tonight, and then I get to eat at one of my favorite restaurants. So that's awesome.
I'm just tired. I'm really, really tired.
I'm tired of men and of prom and relationships and all the social norms. I'm tired of anxiety and nerves and the pressured sensation that twists knots in my stomach and clogs my throat. I'm tried of panicking in the middle of Target because I see a guy from my old teen club, who was merely a friend, and then immediately freaking out because Oh my gosh, my hairs a mess, I'm not wearing lip gloss, I didn't put cover-up on the Mt. Vesuvius hanging out in the middle of my forehead- I hate how I've been conditioned to react. It sucks, to be blunt.
And what makes me even more annoyed is everyone's reaction to my complete and utter dislike of romance. It's like when you say you don't want kids, and then everyone immediately assures you that you'll be a great parent. I just don't want to deal with that. I don't want the drama and worry and Did I say the right thing? Do I look pretty enough? Am I a terrible kisser? Will he break up with me?
I don't want to waste months on men who'll eventually fade out of my life entirely. That's just stupid. Seriously, why bother?
And one of the biggest thing that ticks me off, aggravates me to the point of ripping my hair out, is how my dad brought it up during ice cream the other week, after the disastrous phone-number incident.
He said my mother had strongly implied that I no longer was interested in romance, due to the state of my parents relationship.
That's complete and utter bullshit. I won't lie and say it has nothing to do whatsoever with the situation- I mean, stuff like your parents splitting up will most definitely have an effect on a girl, right? But it's not like, my parents started fighting so I decided, screw it, I'll never look at another human being romantically again. It's just everything; couples fighting in malls, alleged "romance" movies where the couple has to go through hell twice over just so they can swap spit, my sister's relationship and subsequent break-up with her boyfriend, and, of course, my parent's.
I'm not so entirely flighty that I'll judge all relationships on the single case of my parents. I've seen plenty of instances that simply resolve me to keep away from romantic relationships.
So screw you, Cupid.
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