The Dreamy Notion of More

I feel like the evolution of greatness is humanities biggest white lie.

Well, one of the biggest. There's certainly a lot out there.




When you're a little kid, all you ever want to do is grow up. You want to wear make up and stay up late and be one of those cool kids. And then once you reach general teen age, you want to grow up some more- get drunk, go to parties, hook up. Be independent, your own person, do whatever the hell you want. You fool yourself into thinking that time is magical, that it'll solve all your problems and that somehow, once you reach the correct age, you'll morph into this flawless person who has everything you could ever want.

But that never happens.

You keep telling yourself that once you're __ years old, it'll be better. You'll be able to do more, to see more, experience more. You'll be funnier and smarter and wittier and more attractive. And the older you get, the weaker the lie becomes.


I think we tell ourselves that, because it's one of our failsafes to prevent the entirety of the underage population from committing suicide. If you just keep living, you'll become more.

But we never do. And once there's threads of grey in our hair and lines around our eyes and a constant, dull ache in our back- that's when we realize our mistake. So we start pining for youth, start wishing we could go back to those carefree days and not have to worry. Do everything over again, become more while we still have the chance. Which just results in an eternal spiral of unhappiness- the children wishing to grow, and the adults wishing for the exact opposite until we're locked into this infinite circle of idiocy, almost.

The thing is, we're not really idiots. We're smart, underneath it all. But we feed ourselves pretty lies, disregard the intellect whispering "You know it's too good to be true". And those people who do listen to the intellect- those are the child prodigies, the envy of humanity. The people who go on adventures and see things and have amazing experiences and just transcend the social norms to truly become something more, instead of these shadows on cave walls that we all thrive off of.  

I'm guilty, to be honest.

I tell myself; it'll be better when you're sixteen. You'll be able to help your mom drive, you'll be smarter, you'll survive your fourteenth and fifteenth years and become a stronger person because of it. You'll get that tattoo, you'll be a little more confident, a little more.

But the thing is, I won't. Not really. I'll probably be pretty similar to how I am now- and that's not a bad thing! It's just not what I want, not what I'm hoping for. I wonder if there's some sort of formula out there for how to become more? Some chain of events that just helps shape you, helps strengthen you.

Is there a code? Directions? Is there a puzzle I need to solve, a game I need to win?

Is that the prize of life? Becoming more?

But then, what happens once you do that? What's left to win?

I know that's a crappy way to think of life- it's just life. A series of experience lined up after each other, like knots on a string. But I can't help but wonder if there's some sort of secret way to excel. It's probably just teenage insecurity and hopes talking, so maybe I'm just a blithering idiot?

Yeah, that's probably it.


But here's the thing; are the people who are more even happy? Do they even think they're more? Or are they all hollow, are they also striving to become more?

Maybe there's no such thing.


Wow, that's kind of a scary notion.